Spring will come…

I know I will be ok. I always have been. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m struggling now.  How to use my skills to be ok is another thing. Very tired of always working at being ok.  God is always by my side. He always hears my cries, but when here in this place, I don’t even cry out for help. I’m like a mute. I can observe around me, but the depression physically holds me down.  It’s a weight that is most difficult to push off myself.   Friends and loved ones wish to help, but there is very little they can do.  At my age, I was supposed to have life figured out. I was supposed to be riding high on life and carefree! I envy people that are chipper always.  What do they have that I don’t? What makes them tick? I want to be like them, but I’m not. Maybe I’m not supposed to be like them.  I must accept myself the way I am made. Radical Acceptance. I hated that phrase when I first heard it in DBT. I can say it now and speak of it sometimes, as I apply to my life.  I have lots of facts, but to apply them is the next step.  My doctor suggested zinc and magnesium yesterday. Magnesium at bedtime to help my Rx.  But introduce one at a time. So last night it was magnesium. I did sleep good. I pray for you, if you share in these struggles. Having a few core people around you that know you, and accept you in your depression is paramount to living.  I accept you and your depression. Now you accept it, and don’t keep it like a dirty little secret.  It’s not shameful, it is what it is, and you have something to share with others that is worth hearing.  image

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