Spring will come…

I know I will be ok. I always have been. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m struggling now.  How to use my skills to be ok is another thing. Very tired of always working at being ok.  God is always by my side. He always hears my cries, but when here in this place, I don’t even cry out for help. I’m like a mute. I can observe around me, but the depression physically holds me down.  It’s a weight that is most difficult to push off myself.   Friends and loved ones wish to help, but there is very little they can do.  At my age, I was supposed to have life figured out. I was supposed to be riding high on life and carefree! I envy people that are chipper always.  What do they have that I don’t? What makes them tick? I want to be like them, but I’m not. Maybe I’m not supposed to be like them.  I must accept myself the way I am made. Radical Acceptance. I hated that phrase when I first heard it in DBT. I can say it now and speak of it sometimes, as I apply to my life.  I have lots of facts, but to apply them is the next step.  My doctor suggested zinc and magnesium yesterday. Magnesium at bedtime to help my Rx.  But introduce one at a time. So last night it was magnesium. I did sleep good. I pray for you, if you share in these struggles. Having a few core people around you that know you, and accept you in your depression is paramount to living.  I accept you and your depression. Now you accept it, and don’t keep it like a dirty little secret.  It’s not shameful, it is what it is, and you have something to share with others that is worth hearing.  image

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Flawless?

There’s got to be more
Than going back and forth
From doing right to doing wrong
‘Cause we were taught that’s who we are
Come on get in line right behind me
You along with everybody
Thinking there’s worth in what you do

Then Like a hero who takes the stage when
We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late
Well let me introduce you to amazing grace

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

Could it possibly be
That we simply can’t believe
That this unconditional
Kind of love would be enough
To take a filthy wretch like this
And wrap him up in righteousness
But that’s exactly what He did

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

Take a breath smile and say
Right here right now I’m ok
Because the cross was enough

Then Like a hero who takes the stage when
We’re on the edge of our seats saying it’s too late
Well let me introduce you to grace grace
God’s grace

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless
No matter the hurt
Or how deep the wound is
No matter the pain
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

No matter what they say
Or what you think you are
The day you called His name
He made you flawless
He made you flawless

No matter the bumps
No matter the bruises
No matter the scars
Still the truth is
The cross has made
The cross has made you flawless

excellent song, don’t get me wrong! The words have ministered to me often.  I always pause when I sing Flawless though.  The tune is quite catchy, love the group Mercy Me. I know they write from personal experiences.

But am I flawless?  Positionly, in Christ, I am forgiven, I am a new creature in Christ, the past is behind me.  Does flawless mean I am without blemish, I don’t make mistakes, I can do whatever I want and God will forgive me? Am I content to just know I am flawless and not let Him and His Word point out things in my life that aren’t so holy? Do I need to be holy?

I think scripture clearly says yes.  ” Be holy, as I am also holy.”  Holy cow! How can I be holy like God? Does He mean positionly here too? It’s confusing. I don’t have all the right answers, but I wonder.  Is there something missing in today’s Christian teachings about grace and holiness and forgiveness?

I’ll keep reading the Bible, I’ll search for my answers. God loves us, forgives us when we repent, I am assured of my place in Heaven when my earthly life is over. Praise God!  And next time I’ll sing along to that song….

just wondering…😇

 

 

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Surgeon visit

God is always sufficient. Even though we had a hard time finding the building! Lol us Poulsbo-ites lost in the big city.

dr Lee was delightful, for a surgeon. He was very patient, very thorough in explaining the X-rays to us.  Sometime in the near future Greg will need a spinal fusion of his c6. But not tomorrow. We go back in three months.

i took my scketch book with me. I think I’m going to get pretty good at drawing faces. Enjoyed the process. The face was a face out of my imagination. She morphed as I worked. Blended with my fingers, using pencils. First time I used my fingers, they got very black. Forgot to pack my blending stump!

For my devotions this morning I read out of my New Century Bible Rev 10. The side note was from Oswald Chambers. It made me want to get My Utmost For His Highest back out and read!

Greg and I are challenged by our communication skills. We don’t hear as well, we don’t track as well while listening, and we say things wrong!  We didn’t used to have these problems, we had other ones! Lol

the rain has been coming down in buckets today. Dogs do jot want to go out to go potty!   I will post a pic of my girl when I figure out how to do it🤓  In the mean time, keep believing and stand up for what is right and true! And love the people around you like there’s no tomorrow!

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Sea of Tiberias

We were at the top of Mt Carmel. Went upstairs on to the roof. The panoramic view was of the Valley of Armeggeddon, where the final battle of all mankind will take place one day when our Lord returns to set up His earthly kingdom. There was a German tour group singing in harmony. The voices bouncing off the stone walls was beautiful. Soon they were singing “Blessed Assurance” in English! I walked across the rooftop, stood facing them, and joined them in the second verse. Soon I heard other voices behind me, in a foreign language join in harmony. We all sang together! Spectacular! The group behind me were from South Korea. God You are so good!

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Ta to Natalie

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In German you say “ta” as a greeting. It incorporates hello and goodbye in one short word. See you again soon. She moved to California last week. I was making this art journal page; she said that that would make a great greeting card….so I had everyone at her goodbye party write a note to her then I bound them inside!
That’s really a picture of me (ha) symbolically!

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Ya to Natalie!

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Before I leave town….

My nerves are frayed. My bags are packed. No excuses, I’m going! All my meds are ordered and put in their bottles. Ugh…. I always have a hard time leaving the house. At one point a few years ago I was near being housebound because of my fears. I fought it. God has helped me overcome so much! I have my CPAP ( non snoring machine) as a trusty traveling companion. Ugh…. I have packed all that nurse Elise and others might possibly need:). Did I tell you guys, I get home on the 21st and Greg and I leave on the 23rd for an all expense paid trip to Hawaii? Almost a cruel joke. Really looking forward unwinding on the Hawaiian beaches and poolside with my sweet husband. All of this is too much for me to absorb. God loves me and is giving me some real tangible blessings. I am so grateful. Dear ones gave me a verse today. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength,”

I’ll be singing and humming that song/verse for the next few weeks! Thanks for going with me through the internet! Blessings to you all,
Elise

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First art Quilt

First art Quilt

Hand printed fabric and vintage jewelry from grandma Shaw

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Natalie and Patches

two of my favs! She does great self portraits! I’m lousy at it!Patches and Natalie
Patches is a nuisance but I love him!

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My First Quilt

This the first quilt that I have ever completed, only a month late for my sister’s Birthday! This is my interpretation of my daughter’s pattern Modern Maze out of her book Modern Basics.

This quilt is special to me because it is for my sister and from my daughter’s book… also, just the fact that I did it! I learned finally how to complete a quilt. Maybe now I can finish some of those other ones.

This is my first entry into the Bloggers’ Quilt Festival!

My first quilt!

Both sides

Flannel backing

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